Episode Transcript (automatically generated and NOT proofread; please excuse errors)
Shannon Brescher Shea S3 E62
You are listening to the fancy free podcast where my girlfriends and I tell our most embarrassing, funny stories so that we all feel less alone in our imperfections and forge connection through vulnerability and humor. I’m Joanne Jarrett. And I’m your host today? I have with me a new girlfriend, Shannon brusher, Shea.
Shannon is devoted to telling authentics stories about green living and parenting. She has written the environmental parenting advice book, growing sustainable together, practical resources for raising kind engaged, resilient children, and it releases today the day that we’re recording. So that’s super, super exciting.
She also writes the parenting blog will eat you up. We love you so, and is a long standing environmental activist in the past. She’s biked from New York city to Washington, DC to raise money for climate change advocacy led family, community bike rides, and made poor decisions about letting her children touch the composter.
She lives in the suburbs of Washington, D C with her husband and her two kids. Shannon, thank you so much for being here. Thank you. Yeah. We’ll fill in the blanks. What did I miss about who you are and what you do? As you said, I have two kids. My kids are four years old and seven. Although in the book I wrote about almost a year ago now, so that their ages are different in the book, they are brilliant and amazing and very, very energetic, um, and all of the challenges and joys, of course, that go with that.
In my day job, I’m a science writer. And then in my not so free time, I do environmental and social justice activism, as well as write my blog about how to raise kind kids and all of the different facets of that. I love it. Awesome. I am so excited to have recently discovered you because. We recently moved to an acreage in rural Montana from the suburbs of Reno, Nevada.
And we have spent the last couple of months building a chicken coop and putting in a raised bed garden and building a greenhouse. And I’m just getting ready to enter the world of composting. And I have no clue what I’m doing, but I feel like I can figure it out, but I’m sure you’ll have some guidance for me in, in some ways you’re writing.
So that’s awesome. Yeah, absolutely. As you know, the point of this podcast is to tell our most embarrassing, funny stories so that our listeners feel less alone in their imperfections. What not so fancy moments do you have to tell us about today? I’m a big advocate of bicycling and walking for transportation, especially with kids and my book.
I talk about all the advantages of them, including developing independence and meeting your neighbors and getting outside. And I talk a little bit about the challenges, but I don’t go into it in depth. And I definitely don’t tell this story. And my kids were younger. We had a bike trailer, which this canvas and wire contraption on wheels that hooks onto the back of your bike.
It’s like a little tiny car that goes on the back of your bike and you stick your kids in a, and you strap them in just like you would a car seat and then you can pull them around. Some kids really love it. Some kids not so much because you can’t see very well. And my older son, when he was really little didn’t like it very much, but then he grew to like it.
My younger son was different, so we decided to go to the grocery store. There’s only like a half mile from our house. It’s a really easy bike ride. And this was the second time that I’d put both kids in the trailer the first time it was okay. So we get in getting stuff ready to go. The bikes attached to my trailer.
And my younger son is in the trailer. He was about one at this point. And my older son was four. He was super jazzed that it was going to be in there with my younger son. It was all very exciting to him and he starts touching my bike and just like coconut it and stop touching the bike. You’re gonna knock it over, poking them more.
Stop touching the bike. You’re going to knock it over, poking it more. So then he walks away and as soon as he walks away crash over, thankfully the trailer doesn’t go anywhere. But I swear my one-year-old was getting into the sink guy from inside the trailer. Like, are you serious? You’re going to drag me around this thing, letting this happened to me, I’m going to go topsy turvy anyway.
Right, exactly. So if I go over there and I’m like, My younger son was in a biting phase. So I’m like, Oh no, are they going to be poking each other? Biting each other suspiciously, quiet. No, it stopped quiet enough. You know, all those sorts of things that you get, see what your kids are doing, especially at those ages.
So we get there. It’s fine. I lock up my bike at the store. Just look away for a minute. Both the kids are out of the trailer. And as soon as I turned around, my one-year-old has picked up a cigarette butt and is about to put it in his mouth, slap it out of his hand. And then of course he dives for it. The first thing he sees, which is a pointy stick.
Cause of course it has to be pointed about as tall as he is, but that entail. Is that we get everything hooked up. We go to the grocery store. We going to the grocery store is always somewhat hellish with small children. Mm. Grabbing at things and saying, no, I don’t have to go potty. And then you’re like, great, my car, huh?
Yeah, exactly. And then at the same time, I’m also doing the mental calculation of, can I fit this all in the trailer because the food would go in the back. I’m like, I don’t want to buy too much and then like, not know how to do it. So I’m doing all this mental calculation at the same time. So we get out, we put it all away.
And then my younger son realizes that he has to go back and the trailer and he starts screaming like a matte sheet. Um, flailing and the, I don’t want to go, I mean, he wasn’t saying this, but it was very obvious. I don’t want to go in and so strapping him in and people understand getting kids in the car seat, but for some reason, with the bike, it felt different.
It felt like everybody is looking at me and. It’s like, so open air. I mean, Hey right. There’s like, no, like a quarter of the parking lot, but it was still like, Oh no, people are gonna think I’m kidnapping this child best way possible. Your getaway vehicle sucks. Exactly. So we finally get in, he cries the whole way home and it’s fine.
The longest half mile bike ride of your life. Exactly. I’m just like, Oh my God. And there’s a reason why I never put both of them in the trailer. We learn these things by living. It’s just like when we bought a camper and my nine month old baby at the time cried her face off, like the entire time we were camping.
And I told my husband, I’m not going again. We have to sell this camper. Yeah. Yeah. And around that age, he got really upset whenever you stopped at stoplights and stuff. So it was just, he did not like being stopped on his things, but the next year his brother was big enough to be on his own bike. And then we got you set at the trailer for another couple of years.
Just put only one kid at a time. You’re like, guys are not cooperating with my mission. You should be taking your kids on errands in bicycles. Yeah. And that’s what I talk about that in my book about how sometimes it’s frustrating and ridiculous. But at the same time, there’s so much value in it, but it doesn’t always go the way you want it to.
And almost never goes the way you expect it to that’s parenting in a nutshell, no matter what you’re trying to do. So you might as well incorporate the struggle with something meaningful. Exactly. Oh my gosh. All right. Tell me about. Your gardening and what your kids like to do while you’re gardening. So in the past, I’ve again turned around to see my older son at the time, stuffing rocks in his mouth.
And I’m like, ah, he didn’t swallow any of them. Thankfully. Why do kids do crazy things like that? Rocks taste and feel awful. It seems like after you put one rock in your mouth, you’d be like, no, I don’t like the way this tastes and pills. I’m going to pull it out. Never do that again. One would think. But logical consequences.
Sometimes don’t always think in the first time. Right now my younger son is very into just using the hose, water conservation, be damned. He’ll water, the garden, water, his shoes, waters, pants, water, his brother. And I’ll be like, Oh, your shoes are, what? How’d that happen? He’s like, Hmm, I didn’t do it. Like, yes, it was that naughty hose.
He’s like, yes, it was the naughty hose. Okay.
I love it. Tell me a little bit about what you’ve got going on at your house. We have, I have a small garden, but then also sort of pieces of carton and other places in our yard. So we’ve got a main garden. That’s got tomatoes and peppers and Bazell and melons and beans. Uh, I think that’s everything this year.
And then we also have a couple of blueberry bushes. We just put in some strawberries and we’ve gotten mint, which you’re not supposed to plant in the ground. Cause it spreads. And I did anyway, not here my garden, but like where the other weeds are and my kids would go out to the yard and just take mint.
And I’m like, Does that taste good? Cause itself is kind of gross and they’re like, no, this is the best. I’m like, that’s cool. Cause probably pooped on it and poster and they know how to compost. And then you’ve got to put, you know, newspaper, paper bags and with the food. So it doesn’t get too wet. We had a rainbow and someone stole it like who the hell is jealous over rain barrel because our trailer.
Sadly got laid to rest. The straps literally broke off of it. It was so old. Cause I left it outside. I just got a new cargo bike, which is super exciting and I can carry both of my kids in the back of it. I’m not good enough with it to stick both of on we’ll use a link to a similar one so I can put it in the show notes.
I don’t even know what a cargo bike is. Yeah, absolutely. A cargo bike is a specialty bike built for carrying lots of stuff. Whether it’s people or things. I’ve seen people pure Christmas trees on cargo bikes. Yeah, exactly. Like you look at this phone and you’re like, that is the size of the bike. How do you do that?
But mine’s designed for kid hauling. We did go for rides yesterday around our neighborhood with my older son and his bike and my younger son in the back. And he just thinks it’s the best. Except the one thing that I’m going to have to learn to live with is, well, I told him if he does it again, I’m going to not let it ride, but that’s probably not true is he decided to tell me he’s like, You just farted your fights stick.
If you’re putting out a running commentary about my butt, you’re not allowed to abide with me.
Yeah. Kids and they’re blunt statements. Holy cow. And of course he thought it was the funniest thing ever. This is obviously. Hilarious. Gosh, you know, it’s so hard to train them, especially when you think what they’ve said is funny, you know, wrong but fun. And you’re trying so hard not to laugh. Like you shouldn’t do that anymore.
The more modern, cheaper by the dozen with Steve Martin though. I never got around to saying that one. It’s a fun movie. And the oldest daughter has a boyfriend that the other kids don’t like, they’re in town for some reason. So he’s staying the night and they soak his boxer shorts in meat. And then the next day.
Yeah, all the neighborhood dogs attack him or something. I’m probably getting it. It’s been awhile. But my favorite scene in the movie is Steve Martin has all of his kids lined up and he’s trying to figure out who did it. And he’s like, listen, kids that was wrong, funny but wrong. I feel like that line fits so much of what my kids do.
It’s like, I can’t, I mean, I’m super amused, but the adult in me is like, don’t do that anymore. It doesn’t help that my mom actually encourages some of it. Like she taught him to been song really it’s funny, but really she is trying to sabotage your social grace lesson. This is all the stuff that she thought would be funny to teach, but then she realized it was wrong.
So she didn’t teach me, but now she’s the grandma, so she can. She was like, I can do what I want. I do. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. It’s all very innocuous though. Thankfully for sure. I’m kind of excited to be a grandparent. My, my kids are 14 and 16, so hopefully it’s going to be a long time, but just having all of the love and the adventures and the relationship without the responsibility is it sounds really awesome.
Yeah. The other things in our house, we have solar panels on our roof, which is super exciting because we got a deal where basically we paid them for the electricity made by them, but we didn’t have to buy them. The solar panels. They do all the upkeep. They own them. They’re barring our roof, which is very cool.
And I’ve seen a lot of people in our neighborhood with them. And then we have just, you know, the normal kind of energy, efficient things like energy, efficient, light bulbs and energy star washing machine and things like that. And we’ve talked to our kids about why we chose these things and how it’s going to save us money over the long term and how it saves energy.
And so they’re really nice life lessons about how do you buy things and how do you make those decisions when you’re buying things that aren’t just about environmental things, but also about responsible spending and thinking about the bigger picture. Do you have a trick. That works to encourage your kids to turn lights off when they leave a room.
Okay. I was like, I sound like a 1950s dad and money doesn’t grow. If you turn the light on, turn it back. Cool. But at the same time, you know, my husband gets so frustrated with my kids and I do too. But at the same time, I remember being a teenager and thinking I really wish I could remember to turn the light off and leave a room.
I just. Yeah. And it’s, I mean, if somehow as an adult, I figured out how to remember to do it. But as a kid, I remember thinking, I just wish I could train myself to do this. It’s so frustrating would be like their job to try not to delay it’s when they were little and that worked for awhile. But I guess just other things, I don’t know.
Yeah. That’s, that’s an interesting concept though. I like that. It’s like, this is very important. This is a task that is up to you. That might make it.
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Okay. Talk about life hacks. Do you have a life hack? Well for parents, at least, I don’t know if it’s useful for anybody else. I’m really bad about making baby books and all that Pinterest stuff. I’m not crafty at all. I also have a really bad memory. And so I always worry that I’m going to forget this amazing thing my kid’s done.
So what I do is whenever my kids do something really cute. Yeah. You’re funny. I grabbed my phone and I put it in the notes app, just a couple of words or a phrase, or just real short story of what they did. And it’s really quick. It takes very little time out of the moment and yeah, it helps me remember all those random things they say that are super cute, but I’m not going to remember two years from now, you know, And then you can go back and look over the note and reminisce also really good for if your kid is pissing you off that to go back and look and think of something that makes you happy and that they did, that was adorable.
And then be like, okay, it’d be a little reset yourself. I love that. Oh my gosh. That is a great life hack and you’re right. It takes no time. Okay, this is kind of an aside, but I’m just curious because you say you have a bad memory and I have a theory. Do you know about the Enneagram? And do you know what type you are never done it?
I usually don’t fit well into those categories. Anyway, every time I’ve taken the Myers Briggs I’ve come up something different. Oh, okay. Well, the theory is that there are nine different basic personality types. And this isn’t the major component of the, yeah, but these are just little characteristics of them.
That three are past focused. Three are future focused and three are present focus. My husband is in one of the personalities that is future focused and he says he has a really bad memory too. And he does. I just, I wonder if people who say that they have a bad memory are in one of the three future-focused personality groups.
You can’t hold everything. Right. So if you’re always looking forward, I’m so grateful that my husband’s looking forward because he anticipates things that we need to prepare for. I’m much more present focused. And so I do tend to have a better memory about things in the past. So just an aside. Yeah, no, that’s a really good point.
Cause I am very future focused. I’m the planner of the family, I would think so. Since you study and write what you do, right, exactly.
Have you been loving lately that you think the listeners might love to? I know a lot of people are looking for more things written by black authors and something that is one of my favorite books period. Is the science fiction fantasy truly shaped by NK Jemison, the broken earth trilogy. It deals with a lot of like big issues, but also is just like this amazing dystopia.
And it has a middle aged mom. Who’s a pirate during part of it. So that’s, that’s amazing. Yeah. Awesome. Okay. I will definitely link to that in the show notes. Okay. Tell me about your love for the good place. Yeah, I love the good place. My husband and I were super addicted to it. And then we got to the last season of Netflix and the last one hasn’t come out yet
of the premise of the show, because I think this is one that we watched the first episode of, and I liked it. And my husband was like, ah, I don’t think so. It’s a super high concept show. So in the first episode, the characters show up and they realize they’re dead. And they’re told that they’re in the good place, presumably heaven, and it’s this very main street Disney booking town, and they all have these cute houses.
And then they’re assigned a soulmate and the main character is this just ridiculous over the top kind of terrible person. She’s not evil. She’s just really, really selfish. And she just does stuff that you’re like, that’s an awful thing to do, you know? And so she realized she’s like, I’m not supposed to be here, what’s wrong.
And she keeps being afraid that they’re going to find out that she’s not supposed to be there in case the first season kind of goes through, but her name is Eleanor. Meeting these different people and her story of that, and her soulmate is this philosophy professor. And he’s obsessed with making the moral decision.
And so his entire life was devoted to figuring out what’s the right decision. And she’s just like, Oh my God, I’m such a horrible person compared to this person who has devoted his life to. Being a moral person. And then the other two main characters are this guy who you think at first is a Buddhist monk, but then you find out he’s from like Jacksonville, Florida, and it’s sort of the male equivalent of Eleanor.
And then this person who is like this very, very rich, famous philanthropist and she’s super snooty. And so it’s the first season follows the four of them. And then the person who’s in charge of it, who’s the architect in the good place. And then. The ending completely throws everything you knew about what was going on out the window.
It’s one of those shows that kind of does that every season. Like, Nope, you thought it was going this way, but it’s not so nice. Okay. I’m going to my husband. Didn’t give it another try. Cause we love having a show that we’re bingeing together and we don’t have one right now. It’s really addictive. It’s by the same people, if you ever watched parks and rec or Brooklyn nine, nine, it’s the same people.
Maybe that’ll help convince them. Cause those are two of our favorites.
It’s advice, time share the best piece of advice you’ve ever been given or who you have ever come up with to give. I think to stop and listen to someone and ensure they actually want advice before giving it so often people just want to be heard. They want somebody to listen to them. They don’t actually care what you’re thinking.
That’s really good. That’s a good interpersonal communication nugget right there. And it’s so essential for parenting too, because so much of the time kids can solve their own part. If you let them, they might need some working through it or guidance. But if you mainly just sit in there and go hot and ask questions and draw it out of them, that’s what he uses as being like, no, you should go do that.
You know, that reminds me of my favorite thing that I have ever said to my kids. And I don’t say it very often cause I don’t want to wear it out. My favorite. Yeah. The phrase for the teenage period anyway is tell me more. Yes, because sometimes they drop these bombs on me and then they just changed the subject, like, Oh, so, and so told me that she had suicidal thoughts and then they’re like, what’s for dinner.
And I’m like, wait, tell me more because it’s, it’s just very open ended. And if you can say. Kind of a calm, rational way, then they usually always have more to say, if you want to go right into solution mode or freak out mode, then it, a lot of times we’ll shut them down. Exactly.
what is one surprising thing about you that nobody would know? Be able to tell just by looking probably that I am a hardcore bicyclist, unless you saw me on my bike, never been skinny. I’m pretty curvy, you know, mom bod or solidarity. Yeah. And a lot of people think of. Bicyclists as you know, the spandex middle-aged dude, there’s a word for them in the biking community called the mammal, which is middle aged man in Lycra.
That’s what it is. So despite that stereotype back that, you know, sometimes those people aren’t always the most welcoming to the biking community. Biking really can be for everyone. And I. Love to do it. I don’t get much of a chance to go on long rides these days cause kids, but that’s a fun thing. I’ve also done trapeze, which was pretty fun.
Really? Yeah. That’s cool. How exciting. There’s a, trappy a studio, that’s a break off of the one in New York. That’s in DC and they offer trapeze classes. The benefits of living near a big city. You could do all kinds of crazy things. Exactly. I was terrible at it and it’s one of those terrifying things I’ve ever done, but it was really cool.
That’s amazing. Tell our listeners all of the places where they can find you and remind us again, of the title of your book and a little more about that. Absolutely. The book is called growing sustainable together. Practical resources for raising kind engaged, resilient children. It’s out with North Atlantic books, but distributor is actually penguin random house.
So it’s on penguin, random houses, website. And that links to all the places you can buy it, including bookshop, which is for independent bookstores, Amazon Barnes, and noble, Books-A-Million, all those kinds of places. My website is, will eat you up. We love you. so.com, which is for reference to where the wild things are, which is my husband’s favorite book growing up.
It means a lot to me actually, as a parent, And then I’m also at Willie Joquila view, so on Facebook and, and then on Twitter, I’m at storyteller, S T O R I T E L L E R, because that handle predates just my blog, but predates Twitter itself. And I used it when I signed up for tour. So. Ah. Okay. Was it like your baby center username or something?
No, it was my Hotmail email address when I was in 10th grade. Okay. Well, Shannon, this has been so much fun. Thank you so much for joining me today. Thank you. I really appreciate it.
thank you so much for listening to this episode of the fancy free podcast. Wasn’t Shannon gray. I just loved her realistic approach to sustainability. You know, she realizes that you have to take a doable approach since we’re doing this while we’re managing all the other areas of our life. Make sure to check out the show notes for today’s episode@fancypodcast.com slash episode six two, to get all of the links that we discussed today.
If you haven’t already listened to our 13 crazy first dates episode earlier in the season, there is a story about Shannon and a really cute first date situation that I think you’ll really like. So make sure you visit fancy free podcast.com/date. Three to listen to that episode. If you didn’t have a chance to listen to last week’s episode, episode number 61 with mrs.
Hughes, it is not to be missed. It was a really special interview. Mrs. Hughes is an amazing standup comedian who did standup comedy for 30 years, starting at the age of 40. And she and I laughed so much and I learned so many interesting things from her that we also had a bonus episode midweek. So definitely go back and check out fancy free podcast.com/episode 61 and fancy free podcast.com/bonus one zero.
You are not going to want to miss those. They are awesome. Next week on the show, we have Rachel shell, but who has a bunch of funny stories, some about parenting, one about sneaking around in the Washington rotunda underground that you got to come back for. That she’s great. Remember to subscribe to the show so that new episodes pop into your feed each week.
Also, I wanted to mention a blog post that I recently wrote called how to make sure you get what you need. According to your love language. I will link to that in the show notes, or you can find that at cozy clothes, blog.com. If you want more connection, laughter and sharing. Why don’t you join the fancy free Facebook group?
It’s our private little slice of the internet. And the question of the week this week is what is the weirdest thing that’s ever happened to you at her in a grocery store? I’d love it. If you’d follow the fancy free podcast on Instagram and definitely share the show with the girlfriend, that is the best way to grow the show.
Have a wonderful week and remember, no one is as fancy as they look. .
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